In March 2010, after two early unexplainable miscarriage’s, we found out we were pregnant with
identical twins, Surprise! We were so happy and scared at the same time. The first part of the pregnancy
was pretty good, besides my uncontrollable all day sickness! We got to watch our two very active
playful, babies play together on our monthly ultrasounds. Little did we know how wonderfully important
these moments were, we actually have an ultrasound picture of Bryce grabbing Chayce’s face and
kissing his forehead<3.
On July 21, 2010 we found out we were having boys, the same day we found out
my sweet boys, Bryce & Chayce had twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome, I just remember my Ob/Gyn,
my friend and one of my greatest allies in this battle, holding me as we cried together, we were sent to
Cincinnati children’s hospital, where they knew little bit more about this horrible syndrome. During the
following weeks we went back and forth (we live in Louisville, KY) to Cincinnati numerous times. After,
millions of tests, scans, and meetings and about two weeks it was decided we would undergo an amino-reduction to relieve some of the pressure off of Bryce’s side and give Chayce some more room. Bryce the
bigger of the two (our lil recipient) showed no signs of heart damage, or hydrops, as we were told that
this was the biggest risk to him. They then explained to us Chayce our lil tiny fella (donor) already
showed dilated ventricles in his brain, from his lack of nutrients, and he was “stuck”, he wrapped by the
very membrane that was supposed to be protecting him; they told us he was in the most danger of the
two, at this time.
After the reduction and a couple more trips back and forth to Cincinnati. , Our boy’s
fluid was staying stable and their health and growth was beginning to improve, I began to let my guard
down and finally think, “wow I can breathe”. Then on Friday August 6, 2010 we were told there had
been a sudden spike in Bryce’s fluid again and a drop in Chayce’s, he had become “stuck again”. Both
boys remained stable no new health concerns but it was now time to consider surgery. On the morning
of Monday August 9, 2010 we underwent the Placental ablation surgery, as this was my boy’s last
chance of survival. After the surgery was over, the doctors cheered and exclaimed this was a fantastic
success, they had completed the “perfect split ”Chayce(Donor)was now receiving 60% while Bryce (recipient) was receiving 40%,both boys were alive and looking great! The next morning on August 10,
2010 with great excitement from the ultrasound tech, we had an ultrasound to see our boys.
We began with Chayce, our little fragile donor he had pulled through, he was moving all around! Then next we went to our sweet baby Bryce, our big strong recipient. He just laid there asleep with his thumb in his
mouth. Our Sweet, brave strong Boy had gone to Heaven to live with God and watch over his twin
brother forever. We were told to go home and prepare ourselves to lose Chayce, while he had jumped a
huge hurdle, a miracle in fact (he was the smaller weaker twin which we were told they are almost
never the sole survivor) he was only 24 weeks and he more than likely would be born in the next 8-10
weeks and could not survive, his only chance, very slim but chance none the less, was for me to stay
calm, if and when I became upset it lowered his oxygen.
So we came home to Louisville & went to our
regular Ob/Gyn & High risk, I remember I just lost it. How was I supposed to be a good mommy and
continue to fight as hard as I could for Chayce, while my heart ached so badly for Bryce?!?! & I refused
to accept that Chayce couldn't make it, he had fought so hard, and was so brave and strong! He was/is
my child and I would not/ will not give up on him! My little tiny sweet doctor rushed into the room &
hugged me as we cried together and she told me that as always she would continue to fight right
alongside of us and that she had faith that Chayce could and would make it! & it was okay to be sad and
cry for Bryce. So we hoped and prayed for my lil bitty boy to hold on and “cook” a little longer and to
pull through. He had his big strong guardian angel, my sweet brave Bryce to watch over him and hold his
hand.
Well over the next 10 weeks, I was seen twice a week to monitor Chace’s growth which was slow
but steady, also I was given two rounds of steroids to help his lungs grow at 33 weeks and then on
November 11, the ultrasound showed he had not grown any in the past two weeks and had actually
fallen below the percentile. So they decided to admit me and monitor him until the following morning,
giving my parents and brothers time to get here from Texas.
On November 12, 2010, Bryce Lee Scott (born asleep) a little under a pound and Chayce Allen Scott, 3lbs 5oz and 17 inches long were born at 34 weeks! He had made it, and he scored all 9s and 10s on the agar scale and was breathing on his own!
We stayed in the NICU 20 days, and the day we left, the funeral home called us to let us know we could
come pick up Bryce( he had been cremated) .We finally brought both our boys home. Not the way we
had dreamed, not in two car seats, not in matching outfits, but together. As for Chayce, we have small
struggles but he amazes me every day! He is a true miracle. Every day I think of the son and brother we
have lost and thank god for the one we have! I am so proud both of my boys they both fought so hard
and Chayce continues every day! They said my son would never live, he did, they told me Chayce
wouldn't breathe on his own, he did. He shows me and all of his doctors that he is a fighter and is going
to be just fine! He has a sweet lil angel by his side to help him along the way.
I struggle with the loss of my son every day, as the time passes, the “bad moments” get less, & they don’t cut as deep, they don’t take my breath away, but they still happen. The most random things can set me off, seeing twin boys playing at the park, seeing a butterfly flapping his wings, Watching Chayce & our new baby Mckynzie, play or opening presents. I cant help but think of what could have/ should have been. I should have gotten to take “big belly” maternity pictures with both my boys kissing my belly, I should get to have a
Sully to go with my lil mike for Halloween, I should get asked all the “stupid” questions about identical
twins by excited & intrigued strangers! But I don’t, that’s not my life<3 I have & love all five (including
my miscarriages), of my beautiful Children, Just three of them live in heaven, & Thank God that Im lucky
enough to watch two of them grow up & I am thankful for them every moment of everyday, but that
doesn’t Change I miss Bryce & I always will<3.
If I could a grieving parent one piece of advice it would be:
You have to give yourself time, you lost a piece of your heart, & while it will heal there will always be a
that piece missing, there is no right or wrong way to grieve, & no set amount of time to do it in! take
your time & let yourself cry & know while it will never stop hurting, the pain will dull, it does get better, I
promise<3
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