Olivia's Story

Growing up, I never really wanted to have children because I thought I would be incapable of being a mother. I really didn’t think I had it in me to properly love a child, especially at 21. When I found out I was pregnant, I was mortified. I certainly did not feel qualified in life to have this little person who depended on me, I killed fish and plants. I can truly say that there was probably not one thing that went as planned for me starting with the doctor appointments prior to finding out. The biggest thing I have learned is that although doctors may have years of school they tend to not understand the woman’s ability to know their own body. I tell almost anyone who will listen that if you feel like something is wrong, then there is a good chance there is!

First, I had a doctor tell me that I would NEVER be able to get pregnant! Then when I was 3 months pregnant I went to this very same doctor and had a full exam. Leaving the office understanding that I needed to switch some things around and that everything was good to go. She gave me some medication that would have completely killed my growing baby. As I was about the take this medication something told me to take a pregnancy test. Why I still to this day have no idea. POSITIVE as clear as day. I completely lost it. How could a doctor miss this? Not until I switch to a new doctor did I find out that I was not only pregnant but was almost 3 months along! Shocker to say the least. Of course this news took some time to sink in. I was a college student that did not even really have a stable job yet. My boyfriend at the time (now husband) was the only one working full time.

The first thing I imagined is that my body would know what to do and I would bounce back to my 105 lb weight, no problems. I have witness several people who seemingly had no problems with this. They had cute belly pictures and looked amazing right after having children. I was sure this would be me! Well as I started going to the doctor I started gaining weight like it was nothing. Every week I was up an extra 10 lbs. In no time I literally doubled my weight. I didn’t feel or look cute like all the other belly pictures. I had stretch marks, high blood pressure, and so much swelling everywhere. I also knew there was something wrong about 4 months into this experience. I must have gone to the hospital 10 times and every time they sent me home, saying I had preeclampsia, but everything was fine.

Finally I was standing in my apartment with my mother in law when my water broke. What was going on?!  I was only 31 weeks and I had 9 more weeks to go! I didn’t have everything together and certainly was not ready. I was sure this was a mistake and when I would get to the hospital, they would just send me home. I had no pain or any other symptoms. I was correct! They were sending me home AGAIN. I called my boyfriend to come and stay with me until I was ready to leave. Finally, I went to the bathroom to get changed and of course the resident came to check on me and said, “Oh you aren’t going anywhere, you are being admitted”. This is when it became real! They literally rolled me upstairs into the high risk waiting room and the pain began. It was like a switch was turned on. I asked for my epidural because this process would take forever.  I was only dilated to 2 CM. 5-10 minutes later the epidural arrived and they were sticking me multiple time when they finally got it! I said, “ I need to lay down this baby is coming out now!” They looked at me like I was crazy! “Lay down. Your fine.  We checked. You are 2cm. You have a lot more time left!”  As I laid down the nurse screamed, “No, I can see a head.”  Just as the doctor came to look, the baby literally shot out like a cannon. She had to catch him, because he literally flew out.

               

They whisked the baby away and I didn’t get to see him. Finally my husband brought him to me and this child had the worst cone head imaginable. I only had about a minute to hold this little alien and could tell he was having some trouble breathing. They of course took the baby to the NICU and put him on all types of machines. The doctors were saying all sorts of medical terms to me that I did not understand. All I knew was that I was not ready for a baby, certainly not 9 weeks early. I was not bonded with this child yet.  I was thinking there would be some magic spark that would happen when I saw him. I attribute a lot of that to the fact that he was a little 4lb baby that was so fragile and my fears of not being capable of being a mother. We spent almost a month in the NICU, they prepared me for a stay of over 3 months. In fact I was supposed to go back to work before my son was released from the hospital. He really did well and it didn’t take long for a true bond to form. He had all of the normal complications premature babies have such as reflux, delayed growth, and asthma. However, given the circumstances he is now a perfect 8 year old boy.

                4 years later our lives were completely different. I was in school for my master’s degree, we purchased our first home and both had stable jobs. This is when I found out that I was pregnant again. This time my fears were extremely different. I was horrified because my last pregnancy was only 7 ½ months and I gained 100 lbs! I was still recovering from the first one and only lost half of the weight I wanted.

                First thing I did was call the doctor to get my blood work to confirm I was in fact pregnant. This is where my first problems started. My hormones were all wrong and if they were not corrected I would have a miscarriage. Thankfully they immediately gave me a high risk doctor that would help take care of me. This reassured me that everything would be much better than my first experience. My plan of treatment was to see my doctor once a week and see the high risk doctor once a week for ultrasounds. Besides the hormones, extra monitoring, and weekly injections of progesterone, nothing else really needed to be done.

                My blood pressure was actually staring to increase in the first trimester, but started to get out of control in the second trimester. I was getting headaches daily and it seemed like things were going downhill. My swelling and weight gain were starting to pick up too. I was put on strict bed rest and my weekly routines were to see both doctors and get blood work.  During this time they also noticed that my platelets we going down. Really, I had no idea what all of this meant, but my doctors didn’t seem to be freaking out, so I sure wasn’t. It started getting to the point where I was calling my doctor’s office every other day with issues. I started going into labor at 5 months and was admitted to the hospital. There, they had me monitored and they were able to get the labor stopped, but my baby also had 2 moments where his heart stopped. This is when the pregnancy turned very dramatic. I was laying there and all of a sudden about 5 different people came running in and threw me around in different positions gave me oxygen and never uttered much to me. I was so terrified. After staying a couple days at the hospital everything seemed fine I was able to go home and lay around. The game plan, my doctor told me, was to stay in bed, with my feet up, monitoring my blood pressure.

                I will never ever forget the next 48 hours, starting Aug 5^th, where I almost died. I get chills just thinking about it. I woke up feeling very dizzy and off, and of course my blood pressure was soaring high. I went to stand up because I couldn’t see. I literally lost my vision for about 10 minutes. I was horrified and screamed to have my friend take me to the hospital. I staggered in the doors and the best way to describe it was almost like I was drunk and couldn’t walk normally. I was able to get to the desk and tell them, ”Help me. Something is really wrong with me.”  They took me back to someone, who took my blood pressure. She was so calm. I just fell into the chair and she said, “Oh weird. I am getting an error. I will get another machine”, which she did and same thing happened. Finally they took my blood pressure manually and it was 200/210. I must have sat there with 3 different people taking my blood pressure. Next think I know they put me into a bed and hooked me up and calmed me down. I then had some blood work and all hell broke loose. My blood pressure spiked up again to really high levels and I all I remember was seeing my doctor in the window running over to the ER. I made the comment,”Oh look, someone must be having a baby.” Well she was running over to see me. All my alarms were going off and I was so out of it, that I have no memory of what was going on. I was 34 weeks pregnant and again this was happening.  They decided to induce me because my BP was now for the 2^nd time in the death/stoke rate.

I remember once my 2^nd son was born being very, very emotional waiting to hear him cry for the first time. I waited and waited and waited. Time stood still for me and I began to get so very scared. I could read the faces of the doctors and the pages for more doctors to my room. My husband’s face as he looked on helplessly. I am grateful I was in a bed because I don’t think I could have watched this. Finally after what I believe was 10 minutes they took the baby away after a very soft cry. We waited for an update from someone for more than 30 minutes. Finally someone came to tell us that the baby was sick but was finally breathing with help. I was moved from that room to some high risk room and was allowed to see my baby for a total of 5 minutes. I was not doing well myself. My platelets were not improving and my BP despite all of the medications was not coming down. I don’t think I realized how sick I was, until the next day the nurse came in and told me she was so happy to see I was awake. She told me that I was extremely lucky that I didn’t have a stroke or die. This was the ONLY person who told me how sick I really was. She mentioned something to me about HELLP syndrome, but I was completely out of it. In fact, I think still to this day, I will not know how lucky I am to really be here.

              

  Yes I gained 100 lbs with both of my kids and yes I had high blood pressure for 6 months after I had my babies but I am alive and I have 2 gifts that make my life complete! I didn’t have the joyous pregnancies that you see on TV, nor did I have babies that were perfect (meaning health wise). I had so many complications and issues that my doctor told me the next one, I would probably die. This was enough for me, even without hearing that. There are so many woman who die each year from this complication and I have to be happy that I made it through.

For more information on Hellp Syndrome visit the below link:

http://www.preeclampsia.org/health-information/hellp-syndrome?gclid=COH57vK7u70CFUuXOgodSRYAng

Kids say the Darndest Things

     Kids can truly say the darndest things. My kids just haven't developed that filter yet that most of us adults have learned to use. At times it is so funny to hear what they are thinking... and other times I want to hide in a hole. Like the other day, when I was out shopping for feminine products, my daughter B asked, " Are those mommy diapers?" The two men that were standing at the end of the aisle both looked right at me.            Awkward. How in the world do you answer that?
   Then a few days later I took my oldest with me while dress shopping for my friends wedding. In the middle of pulling a dress off over my head, N wants to know, " Why does your tummy look like that?"
    The entire dressing room went completely quiet and still. I am sure everyone wanted to hear my response. After all it was a valid question. I am still wondering why my stomach looks like this too! Luckily or unluckily, not all their comments are about my stretch marks.
    We once saw a man at Walmart who was missing an eye and in the loudest voice possible I hear one of my daughters ask, "Why is there a scary pirate in the store?"
      We have also been through the "Why is that man have such a big belly?", and "Is she having a baby?", to a woman who was clearly too elderly to be pregnant. Usually I just put my head down and walk as fast as I can with 6 kids, in the opposite direction, which usually ends up with my kids repeating the question louder and louder until I answer them.
     One of the hardest things is when my kids are trying to describe people well, so I know just who they are talking about. They describe hair, outfits, ages, heights, etc., whenever they don't know someone's name. Of course this list should also include skin color. When it comes to race, no matter how innocent the comment, it always comes out sounding bad. So the other day we were shopping for a new kitchen stove, this wonderful woman snuck me in the back of the store to the loading docks so I could see more inventory. While the girls and I walked back there, there was a woman's voice over the intercom system. My daughter, who was 4 at the time, said just as loudly as possible, " Was that the black lady?" Of course the wonderful woman assisting us was African American, and she paused in her step for just a second when she heard my daughter question, but then continued walking. I was so shocked/embarrassed that I didn't know how to start the lesson of not describing people by their skin color. Of course my daughter didn't mean it in a bad way, but it is just one of those things that sounds wrong no matter how it is said. I have since banned my kids from using skin color as a way to describe people because I just can not find any way to make it not seem offensive.
    And of course we have all been there when our child announces to the world the they have to poop or that they just went poop or that something smells like a poop. Really, anything that they say that includes the word poop, ends up being cringe worthy.
    Our most resent and favorite laugh has been that C has decided to name her female parts her "Wawa". No idea why, but that is what she calls it. Of course, living in Delaware means that there is a real Wawa on every corner and that any time someone says they are going to Wawa, I have to quickly explain to my daughter why they are not using a potty word. Not to mention the looks we get when she announces that her brother kicked the ball in her Wawa.
   The only time that their embarrassing comments are enjoyable is when they make those comments when they are not with me and I get to hear about them afterward. Like the other day when my wonderful mother-in-law took my youngest son to the store with her.She is an avid shopper and like to take a full tour of every store she visits. Apparently while walking past the women's underwear aisle he announced he really liked "those" (silky lacy undies) and from that point forward he kept asking for a pair of his own.

Busy Little Hands - Quiet Book

Keeping a toddler busy is exhausting! My 20-month old daughter is EXTREMELY social and courious. I love that she enjoys being around people and that she's interested in learning about everything around her... But it is also means lots of running around for mamma and little-to-no alone time. Sometimes I can get her to play by herself at home, but it’s usually for a short time. With baby #2 on the way, I’ve been trying to get more creative in finding activities she’ll do on her own.  My main project has been finishing a “busy book." My mom made a book like this for my siblings and I when we were little and I remember playing with it for hours… even as an older child I thought it was pretty cool! I’ve been meaning to make one of these for YEARS....I actually started it before my daughter was even born. I’ve been slowly collecting felt from swap meets and yard sales. I FINALLY forced myself to put it all together though over the past few weeks (it’s been my nap time project). 

I used a 2” wide, 3 ring binder for the book. The cover is made of jean material, with a thin batting on the front and back (batting isn’t necessary but I like the soft feel it adds to the book). For the lettering I just free-handed cutting letters out of felt (figured different letter sizes would just add character), then stitched them on with the sewing machine. I designed the cover so it could be taken off if the binder ever gets bent or damaged. The elastic was added so it would fit snug closer to the binder spine.

Now for the fun part, creating pages!

The great thing about using a 3 ring binder is that I can add pages later on as my child's skills and interests change. For the pages I used a stiff felt material cut into 8x11 inch sheets (found at Wal Mart). Once the pages were 100% complete I sewed them together (back to back). I used a 3 hole punch to create the ring holes. At first I was using metal scrap-booking eyelets to make the ring holes more secure, but they weren't thick enough to go through 2 layers of the felt, so I found larger eyelets at Wal-Mart that worked perfectly! 

This is the apple counting page. I cut everything out of felt; glued the tree on with a hot glue gun. The basket was hand-stitched on, leaving the top open so the apples could go in. The apples have velcro on the back.... I used the sticky velcro, but would recommend using the sew-on kind because it's sturdier (my velcro is coming off already). Snaps would be a good idea too!

This is the "Busy Bee Counting" page. The bee hive and bees are felt, again, I used the hot glue gun and some hand stitching to put it all together. I found the wooden spools at a local craft store and painted them (you could just as easily use beads or something similar). The strands are pipe cleaners sewn on with a zig-zag stitch using a sewing machine.

This one was pretty easy to make. I hand stitched the pumpkin on leaving the top open to put all the facial pieces in. You can be as creative as you want with the facial pieces. I put the rough side of the velcro on the pumpkin and didn't worry about putting velcro on the face parts since the felt sticks by itself.

 These were by far my favorite pages to make and my daughter's favorite to play with! She's very interested in animals lately so I made farm pages with finger puppets. I had to draw some of the details on with Sharpee markers and hot-glue gunned the felt pieces on. I tried to make little pouches to stick the animals but some of them kept falling out so I glued elastic straps on to help. The finger puppets themselves took some time... I would make a few here in there as I had the time. I wish I could give a better explanation on how I did these... but it was literally a trial and error process. Basically I just cut and glued felt pieces together until they started to look like the animal I was going for, then slapped some googley eyes on.

This is the buttons and shapes page. I started by tracing and cutting out all the shapes then making slits in the center for the buttons to go through. Then I glued the ribbons onto the shapes and used a long felt strip to glue all the ribbon strands down in a row.  All that was left was sewing the buttons on and I was done. Took less than 30 minutes.

The stop sign page was pretty easy as well. I just drew on the sign and wording with colored Sharpee's, cut out red, yellow, and green circles and put velcro on the backs. Super simple.

This is my daughter's 2nd favorite page because she is OBSESSED with buckles lately! I bought the buckle at a craft store for a few bucks. I had some left-over jean material which I used for the backpack flap. I used my sewing machine on this page because I wanted it to be very sturdy. We filled it with a notebook, stickers, and crayons to help keep my toddler busy (great during church)!

I'm hoping to add more pages gradually and would LOVE to get more ideas. Anyone else ever made or have a busy book with other page ideas you'd like to share?

My Two Dads Part 2

 It took several years before things worked out and I finally got to meet my little sister. It felt more like several lifetimes, and it kind of was. We change so much throughout our lifetime that by the time I turned 27 years old, I had been several different people. Every experience in my life changed my outlook, changed the way I experienced the things that were happening to me and around me, and changed the way that I viewed the world. 

This piece of my life in particular has changed me the most. 

       At times growing up, I felt so lost and unloved and unwanted and broken, and other times I felt so strong and confident and so full of love and forgiveness for all the things that had happened. There were so many things in my past that I was part of, but had no memory of, no control of, things that made me who I am today, but things that I felt so disconnected from. I wanted a chance to be able to prove my worth to the people that are my family, but who were really strangers to me. It's such a conflicting feeling to know that I have people out there who are part of me or part of my past, and who I want to be part of my future, but they are people I had never met. It's one of the most confusing feelings. I am not even sure there are words to describe it.

      Because I have two younger brothers that I grew up with, I am lucky to know the joys of being older sister. I love, love, love that role and the closeness that I feel to my brothers made it that much harder, knowing that I had a little sister that I was disconnected from. I felt robbed that I didn't get to talk to her, share life experiences with her, give her sisterly advice, and that I missed out on having all the memories of her growing up, doing the crazy things that siblings do together. 

    To top it off I have a father who I have wanted to meet, wanted to get to know, and never had that opportunity. It feels like part of my heart is sitting in a different place than the rest of my heart. There is still love and longing there but it's disconnected from the rest of me. Sometimes I would go through pictures and stare at the picture so hard hoping that there would be some kind of memory, or connection made just by seeing their faces, that I would know who they really were. I hoped that I would know what they were like, and that all the pieces that were missing by not having the time with them would be filled. 

  When things finally looked like I was finally going to get to meet my sister and she was heading towards the east coast, part of me started freaking out. I was so excited and I had all these ideas and plans in my head of how I wanted things to turn out, but not knowing what she was really like, I didn't know how to figure out what to do together. I knew that my father would be the one driving her out to meet me and I knew there were some reservations about how things would turn out, understandable reservations. All the plans that were made for she and I to get together made sure that it was all about two sisters getting together and getting to know each other.

        When she was finally on our way to my house she text me and let me know that my father would like to meet me too. Every emotion possible flooded me. I had never felt so petrified in my entire life. I ran upstairs and wanted to scream and cry and yell all at the same time. I looked in the mirror, checked my clothes and brushed my hair again. I wondered if when he saw me, my home, my children, and my husband,  would he think that I turned out good or that I was a loser  I must have checked the mirror 50 more times before they pulled up out front. I felt like I was getting ready for a blind date, when you are wondering if you're good enough for the person stick around or if they're going to cut the date short because you were not what they were expecting. I wanted everything about me that wasn't good enough when I was a baby, to be enough now, but I didn't really know what it was that was wrong with me, and I had no way of fixing it to make myself  good enough for that moment.

       I stood in my kitchen, watching out the window as my husband and my kids went over to meet the two of them, shake their hands and bring them to the front door. I am not sure my heart beat a single time as I watched everything happening out front of my house. My little sister walks in the door and my heart fired off one hundred beats per second. I had so much love for the stranger standing in my front door, that it took a lot of self-control not squeeze her so hard that I'm sure her head would have popped off. Part of me wanted to bury my head in her shoulder so I could just enjoy that moment and not have to remember that there was another person standing behind her that I was terrified to meet. I wanted to just take in the moment and see beautiful she was, how sweet her voice sounded and how excited I was to be the big sister to this amazing young woman who walk through my front door. 

        I was expecting this huge wave of anxiety to hit me the minute I let go of her and had to see him face-to-face, but by some tender mercy, there was a smooth transition from letting go of her to being introduced to him and hugging him and somehow, there was not the awkwardness I expected there to be, hugging a stranger. Every feeling of fear, anger, and uncertainty that I had felt for so many years disappeared for that moment, because I felt relief, and quite possibly love, from both of them. As we walked up to the living room to go sit and talk, I was again surprised at how smoothly things went. Even though they were my family, they were strangers. Every time that I was worried there was going to be an uncomfortable pause in conversation, I remembered that the two people sitting in front of me were the two people that I wanted to know more about then I could possibly fit in one day and that there would never be enough time for all the questions and information I was hoping to absorb from them. And even though the time together did not last near as long as I hoped for, the peace that I felt when they were with me made it worth it.

     Through all of this, I have tried my best to be as objective about everything as I can. I wanted to go through each experience feeling each feeling and taking in each moment without too many expectations. As children we have certain needs and expectations of our parents, and every interaction we have together, shapes who we are. My children have been going through this experience with me. I have done my best to be honest without sharing too much and to open without putting their own feelings at risk. I have learned so much about parenting through everything that has happened. I have had a million different scenarios run through my head, trying to change what has happened and what might happen, trying to feel less pain, trying to cause less pain, and trying to make everything as simple as possible.    

  But..... Life is not simple. It's painful. It's hard. It's messy.

     But..... The things that we learn from the pain and the mess can be beautiful.

    I will never stop wanting there to be more. More connection, more interaction, more love, and that will always put me at risk for more pain and hopefully one day, that love. What an amazing thing I can teach my children: That life will never be easy but that we KEEP trying, that some people are harder to love and harder to feel love from, but we NEVER stop loving, and that the bravery it takes to do those things not only makes us STRONGER, but makes life a worthwhile experience.   

Single Mom Survivor

I am not an expert, unless an expert is someone who has been doing something for a long time and I have been a "single" mom for longer than I care to admit.  I feel somewhat successful only because I survived along with my four beautiful children, who are not delinquent, but strong, happy, well adjusted adults.   I must say that I look far more beat up than they do! (LOL)  The truth is that although being a "single" mom is full of struggles, and is unbelievable hard (exhaustion comes to mind), it molded me into a much better person, making me stronger than I could ever imagine.   I loved being a mom.  Most moms do.   No instruction manual attached to a baby's butt so, although we experience similar things, each mom has a unique experience.  Here's a small piece of my Single mom experience and some things I learned.

  

There is a sad, negative under tone to the label of "single" mom because usually it is associated to poor choice, death, divorce, or other events.  At first, I hated that I found myself with this Label.  This was not something I would have consciously chose to happen in my life even in my craziest nightmares.   I prided myself in making good decisions.    I loved being married and being home with my kids, but life happens and one day, my new reality was that I was a "single" mom feeling the total responsibility of four children on my shoulders.    Until this time in my life, I have been positive in my thinking and had a fairly good self esteem.   Yet my divorce left me devastated, heartbroken, hurt, angry and so sad.  I felt broken as a person.   This was the first time I felt awful about myself, worthless.   Even though I knew I was a good mom, I went into being a "single" mom feeling indescribably inadequate.   All these awful emotions literally made me want to die and I knew I hit my personal low.  I cried until I couldn't cry anymore; by far the darkest time of my life.  

When all the ugly dust settled I realized that I didn't want to hold onto those bad feelings anymore (a light bulb moment).   I reflected on my life.   Growing up in a large family with two loving parents provided me a wonderful childhood.  They did their best in teaching me and I knew they loved me. I was happy and had positive experiences that gave me great self esteem and confidence.  My parents taught me that not only was I their child but I was also a child of God which meant I was very much loved and important.  They taught me wonderful values that have served me well and I knew where to go for help and strength.   So I prayed.  I knew that I could not begin to heal my own pain or take care of my children alone.  It never hurts to talk to a higher source.  It didn't happen overnight, but I made a decision to be happy.  I chose to count my blessings instead of my losses or the things I didn't have.  I had so much and my children absolutely saved my life.   They are my greatest blessing.   They gave me a reason to get moving in a positive direction.   Easy to forget my self when I was busy helping them, and the overwhelming responsibility became more of an amazing opportunity to create a wonderful environment in my home for them to feel safe in and loved.   I love my children so much and wanted a good life for them and a happy childhood.  This became my motivation to stop crying and get busy.  I decided to be a better human being, and started working on improving; literally only baby steps at first.  Here's a bit of my list.

• Pray everyday. Most of us believe in a power greater than ourselves whether it is Jesus Christ, God or the Universe
• The only person I can control is myself.  Even though I can't control others and things that happen in life, I can control how I can react to it.
• I can choose to be happy!  Life is meant to be enjoyed and experienced.  
• There is something to be learned through all experiences.  GOOD, BAD, and the UGLY!
• If I expect God to help me then I need to work hard and do the very best I can.  After I do all that I CAN then I give it to God.
• Respect, love, and forgive yourself and then others.
• We all have challenges and struggles and everyone is in different stages of life.  Don't judge if you don't want to be judged.  Waste of time. 
•  I am doing the best I can.  Assume others are too.   
• Let go of the negative and put in positive.
• Have fun.  Have more fun and then Have some more fun.  Lots of fun.
• Smile, Laugh!!  HUMOR  is the best medicine.  My kids always made me smile and laugh.  
• You can do anything you want.
• Accept help.  
• Breathe deep, take deep breaths.  No time for yoga class.
• Be present.  
• Take One day at a time.  Sometimes an hour at a time.
• Prioritize. There is only one of me.  Do what matters the most.
• Do things with family and friends.
• Listen to music.  Turn it up; it can change your mood.
• Be grateful.
• Don't compare myself to others .
• Create positive energy. Let go of the negative.
• Be Creative. 
• Make work fun. Turn up the music.

Did I magically solve all my problems. Absolutely not, in fact there were still many more struggles, but as I slowly changed my self image and adjusted my attitude in a positive direction, then the way I did everything changed.  I was much more focused, calm, and handled things better.  I stopped fearing the future, having no hope or thinking about the past and the what if's, but tried to be "all in" and present when I was with my kids so they knew I was enjoying them, creating "good time"moments.  When you have a million things to do and 3 places to be at the same time tomorrow, it's challenging to be focused on what you are presently doing.  Enjoy that moment.  

I do believe in God.  I prayed daily that he would watch over my children when I couldn't be with them.  I prayed that I would be able to stay awake when I drove the 3 hour daily commute to dental hygiene school when I was beyond tired.  I prayed that we would have enough food and money.  I prayed that my kids would have good friends at school.  I prayed for angels.  Humbled and needing so much help, I think I prayed about everything.  All day long in my heart.   Amazing things happened all the time to get me through a day.  I always prayed for angels.  This is where my "Village" of Roosevelt, Ut helped raise my children.   It's true that it does take a village to raise a child.   My angels sometimes came in the form of a friend feeding my kids if I was still at work or another mother who would run one of my kids to a school activity, a neighbor helping me fix a leaky faucet or mowing my lawn.  I could go on about the many kindnesses given to me and my children through the years that help us stay afloat.  It can be very hard to accept help, but I am so grateful for all the friends, family, neighbors and even strangers who touch my life and helped me raise great kids.   MOMs IN THE VILLAGE is a great title for this blog.   We all need each other; I loved sharing and exchanging ideas with other moms (in the old days we would talk over the fence or the phone). I didn't actually feel alone - just another mom doing the best she could.  We all need to find our own ways to handle the mom job.  We all have different circumstances but we also share similar experiences.   If we compare ourselves to a mom who appears to have it all together, most likely we compare their good day to our bad day - not at all fair.   I wish I could say I was the perfect mom, but I wasn't.   I did my best,  gave them all my love, provided them with a happy home and a happy mom.  Now that I am a Grandma, am I all wise and have reached personal perfection?  No. I still work on my attitude and staying positive... but so much more fun being Grami Pami. 

                                           

By: The Pam      

Mom Role Models

   One of a mother's greatest fears is that we don't know what we are doing and that we are going to mess up. We worry that we are the only ones who either didn't get the secret "How to be an Amazing Mom" handbook, or even worse, that there is no handbook, and we are the only ones who have no idea what we are doing. Even after 6 children, I still feel clueless. As if parenthood wasn't hard enough, each child is so different that the parenting tactics that were so effective with one child are suddenly worthless with the next.
    But I found a secret weapon!
            As a teenager, I had a rather grim opinion of motherhood. I figured it was something women just did to be normal. It was just part of life. I wasn't able to see any benefits to motherhood but I could see a ton of negatives.
           There was a woman at my church who had eight children.  I'll call her Mrs. S. Her oldest was my age. With my bleak outlook on parenting as a whole, I had a rather poor opinion of her as a person. I figured that no sane person would purposely have nine children and that she must not have been educated enough to know about birth control. Fast forward four years and I was lost in the throws of motherhood, the only one of my friends married and the first to have a baby. When my daughter was 3 months old, Mrs. S had baby number 9. She called me up out of the blue one day and asked me to come over and give her some advice. Of course, I was very confused as to what advice me, a new mom, could possibly give to someone with so much more experience. When I arrived at her home and we finished oohing and aahing over each others babies, she told me about some problems she was having breastfeeding and wanted to know if I had any ideas.
           Over the last 8 years, Mrs. S has become one of my closest friends and greatest resources. I visit her weekly if possible. Every one of her children are not only well behaved, kind, and successful in their own right, but each one of them knows how much their parents love them.  Our girls have become best friends and even my son has found friendship with her sons. I soak up every bit of advice she has to give and watch her every move. I ask questions about about how and why she does things. I share my experiences with her and see if there is any way to put her parenting tactics to use in my own home. She helps me work through problems by giving me a spectators point of view.
           There are many other mothers in my life that I constantly preen advice from. I question all of them without judgement and take what advice I think will work for my family. I found that that is my secret "How To be an Amazing Mom", handbook: my collections of friends and their advice.
         That day eight years before had been more for my benefit then for Mrs. S. By asking for my help, Mrs. S had given me my first bit of self esteem as a mother. She made me feel that I had something to give, that maybe, just maybe, I might know how to be a mom. I hope to be able to pass on the favor.