How We deal with Food Allergies Part 1

   My pregnancy with C was pretty normal. We had a scare after my 20 week ultrasound that some of her measurements were off and the doctors thought there was a possibility of Down's syndrome. After several more tests and another ultrasound, we were told everything looked great and we had nothing to worry about. She was born in July with her eyes wide open and made hardly a peep for the next two days. She was a pretty easy baby and did really well while I was breastfeeding her. Unfortunately, I have never been able to breastfeed for more then 5 months and had to switch her to formula. Over the next few months she continued to get up several times a night screaming but would calm down after we fed her a bottle but we went through a ton of formula. We were so happy the day she turned 1 and we could switch to milk instead.
    Shortly after her first birthday, my mom and I decided to take a road trip with all four kids, up to my parents cabin which was a 6 hour drive. I packed the usual snacks: cheerios, bananas, cheeze-its, and a whole gallon of milk to survive the ride. C, like most one year olds was not a fan of being trapped in her car-seat, so we kept refilling her sippy cup with milk and passing out the cheerios. The second day at the cabin C started having diarrhea. It was constant. We were going through 10 or more diapers a day and she was up several times a night crying. She got horrible diaper rash that was so bad her skin was peeling off her. We stayed at the cabin for two weeks and the poor thing had diarrhea the whole time and not normal diarrhea, it was pale and fatty looking and smelled worse then anything I had ever smelled. I called our family doctor on the way home and set an appointment for the next day.
   

Fast forward four months and C still has diarrhea. My doctor had run out of tests to run on our daughter and so we were sent to GI specialists at one of the best children's hospitals who told me that since C was still growing it must be Toddlers diarrhea, which basically meant I was giving her too much juice. I tried to explain that she had one glass of juice a day and it was watered down. The doctor reexplained that she was still gaining weight so she was fine and that she would see us in three months. It didn't seem to matter to the doctor that my daughter's backside was missing several layers of skin.
      I also need to add in here because of my personal feeling on the matter, my kids are on a delayed vaccination schedule and since C had been sick her vaccinations were very behind.
     We returned to our family doctor for a check up and C was given two vaccinations to try and get her caught up with the regular vaccination schedule. 24 hours later we were in the ER and C was diagnosed with pneumonia. We never made it back to the GI doctor for our 3 month check-up because C developed breathing problems. Since she was under the age of 3 she was never given the diagnosis of asthma but we spent at least 6 days of every month over the next year in the hospital with severe asthma attacks. C was put on 3 different medications including 2 steroids to try and keeps her attacks under control. Her diarrhea did eventually stop, but now we had a new problem. Every time C received a vaccination, we were in the hospital 24 hours later with pneumonia. Luckily our family doctor saw the pattern and has put all vaccinations on hold. Even without the vaccinations though, every time C got a runny nose we knew an attack was going to be happening soon.
   We were eventually sent to an allergist and had a whole battery of tests run on C to try and figure out what was causing her attacks. Everything came back negative.
   C last major attack was June of 2012. We celebrated my dad's birthday one night with cake and ice cream. By 11 p.m. we had given her every medication we had at home, her inhalers and nebulizer treatments, and C could still barely breath. My husband took her to the E.R. and I sat at home with our other children. An hour later he called me asking about what a tracheotomy was and how bad was it that her O2 level was in the 70's. In the background I heard two people arguing about who had to be the one to give her the tracheotomy when the child couldn't handle anesthesia and who would hold her down while they were cutting.  I wanted to run to the hospital right then but I had 3 other sleeping children at my house. While I was still on the phone I heard what I assume to be a nurse yell that C's O2 stats jumped to 83% and the doctors got quiet. I asked my husband what was happening and he said all the doctors went just outside the room and were talking and he would call me back.
    C was in the hospital for 3 more days and was eventually released with 2 more medications to take every day. When we finally returned the following week to the doctor for our check-up, we were given horrible news. We were told that no one had any idea what was causing her attacks and that if C stayed on these medications she would have kidney failure, but if she continued to have her attacks, she would need that tracheotomy. The doctor mentioned the possibility of celiac's disease but said that she could not be tested because the test would require someone so young to need anesthesia and C would most likely not survive anesthesia.
  We were so lost. The following week our 8 month old baby started with the same smelly strange diarrhea as C. I knew I couldn't watch another child go through the same health challenges, so we made another appointment with our family doctor to see if there was anything else we could do. After reviewing all of Cs tests and lab work from the last year and a half, she suggested we just assume it was a food allergy. She said we had to eliminate everything from her diet. Everything. Just feed her vegetables and lean meats, and see what happened. The only problem was that C was a very sneaky little girl. She would go in the pantry and find food or grab food off her siblings plates when we were doing dishes, so the only way to make sure she did not get any food that would hurt her, the whole family had to eat the same way. We had also decided that because the diet was so strict it would be cruel if C had to watch the rest of us eat food she liked so we were going to do this as a team!
    After our doctor had suggested that we treat her attacks as food allergy reactions, I started researching everything I could about food allergies. Her symptoms eliminated most food allergies except dairy and gluten allergies and because C's lab work had shown that she had a very high level of inflammation, her symptoms matched Celiac's disease. http://www.celiaccenter.org/symptoms.asp  I also noticed that several of my other children had symptoms on the list of gluten sensitivity. http://www.celiaccenter.org/gluten_faq.asp#symptoms
I realized that maybe this team work approach would probably really benefit all of my children and not just C. The other thing I realized was that many of the symptoms of a dairy allergy and a gluten allergy were very similar so we needed to avoid both. I had noticed very early on when C's attacks first started that every time she had milk, she would get a runny nose and she would get discharge coming out of her ears. GROSS.
   Here is a list of some of the other site that I found really helpful:
Dairy Allergy-
http://voices.yahoo.com/dairy-allergy-children-its-not-lactose-intolerance-338392.html
http://www.foodallergy.org/allergens/milk-allergy
http://kidshealth.org/parent/medical/allergies/milk_allergy.html

Gluten Intolerance/Celiac Disease-
http://www.foodallergy.org/allergens/wheat-allergy
http://www.celiaccentral.org/Celiac-Disease/Celiac-Symptoms/32/
http://voices.yahoo.com/8-common-gluten-sensitivity-symptoms-children-3945024.html?cat=25

       I also began watching several documentaries, trying to find out as much information as possible about how food affects our bodies and to see if there was anything else we should be doing to get our daughter healthy and basically save her life. One of the first documentaries we watched was "Forks over Knives". There was so much great information in the documentary but one of the most important piece of information that we needed right then was that the animal protein Casein, was found in anything that came an animals, including meat and dairy products, causes inflammation in our bodies when we consume it. Since inflammation was C's biggest problem we decided to eliminate meat from our diet too. I spent the next week getting rid of just about all of the food in our house. It turns out that dairy is in just about everything. We learned to not only read ingredients in our food better, but that dairy was often not listed in the ingredients and we had to check for the tiny D symbol on the front of packages to know for sure that it was dairy free.
    For a whole month we ate only fresh fruit and vegetables. It was hard and the kids complained and what made it even harder was that even our extended family complained. No one believed that food allergies could cause the problems that C had and that we would starve to death without meat, dairy, and gluten in our diet.
Here are some of the other documentaries we really loved:
"Fat,Sick,and Nearly Dead"
"Food Inc."
"Vegucated"
"The Gerson Miracle"

  The results we had in just one month was amazing. C was off all medications, no attacks, no runny nose, no ear problems, the swelling in her face went away and she was finally sleeping good! We also saw dramatic improvements in our whole family. I will post about that soon!

Into the Green Country: Surviving Child abuse and the Lessons I have Learned from it as a mother

I was born the oldest child in a very abusive home. By the time I was nine my parents had largely abandoned their parental responsibilities and I was left to fill in the void. On a daily basis I suffered physical, emotional, spiritual, and as I got older, financial abuse. And it had severe consequences as I found myself self medicating to deal with the horror I was going through. But that is a story for another time.

The amazing joy I experienced as I went through the healing process is a story for another time as well. This story is about motherhood. It is about the three things I have learned coming from a deeply abusive family as I try to raise my two little boys. And in essence it is about finding final peace as I allow my inner child to finally be.

Lesson #1: It’s Okay to play

This one was hard for me. I have been the acting adult in my family of origin since I was nine and as such I had little time for play. Before that, any attempt I made at creativity and imagination was met with mockery, ridicule and incessant teasing by members of my family. I hated doing any sort of imaginative play because I didn’t want to be made fun of. When I was little I thought I was so terrible that I didn’t even know how to play right. I numbed myself and locked that part of my soul away – until my first son was born.

It may seem a silly thing, but when something so basic to a child’s life, like pretend play, is taken from them and replaced with fear and humiliation it fundamentally damages a child. It leads to feelings of worthlessness and a fear of expression – at least I know it did with me. It takes the unabandoned joy of a child and turns it into shame. It leaves the child a partial creature.

After my first son was born I began to come to terms with my fear of pretend play. I was now in a loving relationship and a safe environment. My husband encouraged me to make up bedtime stories to tell our son every night. It was awkward in the beginning, but I quickly began to warm up to it. All three of us looked forward to those story times every night. I was finally beginning to feel free to be expressive in my creativity.

My son and I began playing with hand puppets and pretend food. We make forts and build with Legos and all the time I read stories to him. I read stories with expression. I read stories with made up voices. I read unafraid. After countless years I finally feel safe playing. My inner child can finally be.

Lesson #2: No matter how loud the voices are in your head, they are always wrong

Growing up I was constantly told that I was a wretch, that I was a terrible person. I was told that I was selfish and lazy, fat and ugly; that I didn’t deserve to get married and have children; that everyone would be happy if I would just die and I wish you were dead. I grew up believing that I was trash.

I’m here to say that words do hurt and some leave very deep scars. Do you know what it is like to have your family tell you for years that they wish you were dead? I was completely and utterly emotionally destroyed.

I believe this is one of the hardest things to heal from, because what you are told as a child becomes your inner dialogue. It is very hard to undo a firmly held belief that you have had since you were a small child. I believed I was a wretch because that was what I was always told. I believed I was fat because I was always compared to my anorexicly skinny cousins. I firmly believed I was incapable of being loved because that is what everyone’s words and actions said to me.

I am still fighting to overcome the voices in my head, but over the last few years they have faded and been replaced by the love and acceptance and joy that I thought that I would never have. It is amazing what the love and support of a wonderful man and the innocent love of two sweet little boys are able to do for a person.

Since I have become a mother I have discovered the profound truth that everything I had been told as a child was wrong. I am capable of being loved. I am a wonderful wife and mother. I am good enough. And where I may not be the prettiest creature in the world based on the world’s standard, I have an inner light that a number of people have commented on. So you know what? I really am quite a beautiful person.

I have begun to see myself through my husband’s and children’s eyes; and by doing that I have learned to love who I am and who I am becoming. I have found that by nature I am a gentle healer and a loving nurturer. I am an amazing, joyful and just really neat person.

Knowing the truth of the matter (that everything I had been told is wrong) has freed me on so many levels. I am not paralyzed by the horrors of my past. I am free to be my genuine self and by extension it has allowed me to become the mother I was always meant to be. Nobody is meant to be a prisoner of pain and despair. We are meant to be filled with joy and love and light.

Lesson #3: You need to allow yourself to mourn

I saved this one for last because this is the dearest to me. In so many ways I am still the frightened five year old cowering in the corner or hiding under my bed. Psychologists say that when a child grows up in a truly toxic family their emotional growth is usually halted at age five or six. That little girl longs to be heard, longs to be healed and longs to be let go. There comes a time where everyone who has been abused will have to rectify the horror with their inner child. That is something that I am coming to terms with right now as I raise my two little boys.

Over the last few years I have found myself reliving my childhood through my children. When I was pregnant with my first child I knew this would happen – how could it not? It is time for the little girl to finally be heard. Thankfully I have had the last ten years to understand flashbacks and learn how to deal with them.

When the first one hit I was surprised because it had come completely out of nowhere and was sparked by the simplest of things. (Which in essence is the description of a flashback, but that was the first time that my child had sparked one.) By this time I was intimately acquainted with flashbacks, but I wasn’t sure how to deal with them as a mother with small children. Do I push it aside and pretend everything is alright? Or do I embrace it and risk my children seeing mommy break down?

In the end I went for a middle ground – I gave myself naptime.

I have found that when things hit it is usually around naptime anyway, so that just works out great. And my older son has woken up from his nap and seen me crying sometimes, but it then becomes a lesson in compassion and understanding.

It is okay to allow yourself to mourn and grieve. I am not talking incessantly, but there comes a time where you need to let that inner child be heard. So many times I have found flashbacks taking me back to that lost little girl that was so scared and confused. As I love and accept my sons part of me asks, ‘Why was I never wanted?’ ‘Why was I never good enough?’ ‘What did I do to become the pariah?’

For years now I have found myself grasping to understand some of the things that have happened to me, and grieving that they happened in the first place - but then you need to let them go. Holding onto all of the pain and grief is just as damaging as numbing yourself to it. You need to face it, acknowledge it, grieve what happened to you, and then let go. (Prayer helps a lot with this) I find the process of going through this takes about an hour for me, and I feel so much the better afterwards.

As Gandalf says: “I will not say, do not weep, for not all tears are an evil.”

In fact, some tears are very healing.

by: Katie