Staying Fit Throughout Pregnancy and Motherhood!

Staying Fit throughout Pregnancy and into Motherhood

By: Melanie Darnell

You will never forget that exciting day when you discover that you are pregnant! In other words you now have a life growing inside you. Wow, you are going to be a mom! As the reality slowly starts to sink in, you become aware that all of your decisions from here on out will not only affect you but also your little one. Your body is no longer yours it has been transformed into a nurturing instrument. 

For me I could not have been happier to discover I was expecting. However, I was worried if I was ready for all of the immediate lifestyle changes that followed. I have always been an active and athletic person and I knew from the beginning I wanted to maintain that lifestyle throughout my pregnancy and post baby. However, I did not want to do anything to endanger this new little life inside me. Therefore, my research began.

13 weeks pregnant

  

It is my nature to research any activity, interest or new venture I plan to get involved with, with that said you can imagine the numerous books I bought along with the endless hours of Internet research to prepare for this healthy active pregnancy I envisioned. Not only did I want to continue my workouts I planned to maintain my vegetarian diet. However, the most important thing for me was to know I was making all of the best decisions for my future child. I wanted to provide him with the greatest utero experience. 

All of my research indicated that as long as I had a normal pregnancy and was active before pregnancy, maintaining a workout program throughout pregnancy was not only okay but encouraged. Exercising throughout pregnancy has so many benefits! In order to document my pregnancy and share my growing knowledge, I created an instagram account and committed to doing a post a day. This kept me motivated and held me accountable to continuously make health conscious decisions throughout my pregnancy and get me to the gym at times I wanted to give into the couch and tv. As a result, this blog post is to share some of the information I learned throughout my pregnancy journey along with some information I have picked up throughout the first 3 months of motherhood.

The best thing you can do for yourself and your baby is eat a healthy diet. The foods you consume while pregnant can either provide or deprive your body and your baby of important nutrients that are essential for health. This idea really resonated with me. In my mind, I was not eating for me but my unborn child. It was important to me that I only put nutritionally dense items into my body in their most unprocessed state. Half way through my pregnancy I attended a week long raw vegan fruit festival and it really impacted the remainder of my pregnancy. Let’s just say I was eating lots of raw fruits and vegetables! It is also crucial to drink enough water throughout your pregnancy and while breastfeeding. Water acts as your body’s transportation system to carry nutrients to your body’s cells as well as your baby’s. Pregnant women need extra fluid to support their increased blood volume and amniotic fluid. Set a goal to drink a minimum of 64oz of water a day.

   20 weeks pregnant at the Woodstock Fruit Festival. Eating a big bowl of rawesomeness!

When you have the urge to give into a pregnancy craving remember the food you eat is your baby’s main source of nutrition. The simplest way to ensure you are consuming enough variety of vitamins is to eat the rainbow. Different colors in food represent different vitamins. A few examples are:

·         Green vegetables are excellent sources of vitamin K, folic acid, and potassium. Folic acid is needed to prevent neural tube defects during pregnancy (broccoli, bok choy, brussels sprouts).

·         Orange fruits and vegetable are high in vitamin A and C. Vitamin A is important for your baby’s embryonic growth – including the development of the heart, lungs, kidneys, eyes and bones. (carrots, mangos, cantaloupe, sweet potatoes)

·         Blue/purple fruits and veggies are high in antioxidants that are particularly heart healthy and may help support healthy blood pressure (eggplant skin, blueberries, blackberries, plums, pomegranates)

In addition to healthy food choices there are numerous benefits of working out throughout your pregnancy. Exercising while pregnant can eliminate many of the common pregnancy discomforts such as swelling, backaches & fatigue. Working out during pregnancy improves circulation reducing leg cramps and swelling while at the same time increasing the blood flow to your skin giving you that healthy glow. Exercise helps alleviate problems with insomnia that can plague pregnant women at all stages of pregnancy. Unfortunately, varicose veins are common during pregnancy due to the extra volume of blood you produce during pregnancy to support two growing bodies. But good news, exercise is key in preventing those varicose veins! Take a walk or do some form of exercise everyday during pregnancy to experience these benefits. Exercising throughout pregnancy not only has physical benefits but also provides physiological benefits by reducing stress and boosting your mood.  

The exercise you do while pregnant can have lasting effects on your health, the health of your pregnancy, and the development of your baby. Regular exercise during pregnancy is good for your growing fetus’ health. Babies of moms that workout during pregnancy are born at healthier weights, are better able to weather labor and delivery, and recover from the stresses of birth more quickly. My little one was born a healthy 7lbs 9oz and we only had to spend one night in the hospital. Obviously, as your pregnancy advances modifications to your exercise program will have to occur. Once I reached the third trimester, much of my focus was on the lower body. Your legs will get the brunt of the additional pregnancy weight. When legs are strong, the weight is easier to carry and your posture will benefit. Strong muscles will also pay off during labor and delivery when it comes time to push. A goal I set for myself the last trimester was 100 squats a day. You can do squats anywhere, they require no equipment and can be done in a very small space. I would break the 100 squats into sets of 25 that I would compete throughout the day.

 29 weeks pregnant, doing 45 sec squat holds

  

One of the greatest advantages of a well-toned and fit body during pregnancy comes during labor. If you have been used to the physical rigors of exercise, you will tend to do better in labor and will be more prepared for the physical demands placed on your body. The muscles that have been prepared with the strength that you will need for pushing and the task of labor are not only stronger as a result of exercise but are also more easily put into action when they are exercised on a regular basis. I most certainly experienced this benefit during my labor. I contribute regular exercise throughout my pregnancy along with hypnobirthing in allowing me to have a natural labor with no epidural. My total labor time was only 10 hours. When my surges (contractions) started they were strong and when it was time to push my muscles were ready to be put into action. An exercise program throughout pregnancy contributes to a radiant pregnancy and childbirth.

41 weeks pregnant, completing a 4 mile hike to walk this baby out!

If you did not exercise or workout regularly before pregnancy you can still be active during your pregnancy. I highly recommend prenatal yoga. I loved my prenatal yoga classes and made some great friends. I have continued these friendships as one by one we have entered motherhood. It is comforting to be in a class full of women all going through the same thing as you. I would also recommend going for walks, preferably with your spouse or significant other. As my pregnancy was quickly coming to an end, my husband and I made sure we would go for at least a 30 minutes walk every night. We left our cell phones behind and just enjoyed each other’s company. We would talk about our future little one and how we thought our lives would change. Especially if you are pregnant with your first, things like this are so important because you will never be a family of two again. Post baby, we have continued our walks. We strap Sage on and take walks around the neighborhood to the nearest park or along the beach. Walking after delivery is a great way to reintroduce your muscles to exercise. Then at 6 weeks postpartum (and cleared by your doctor) you can begin a more intense workout program.

I have to admit I was one of those women who loved being pregnant. It was such a special experience that still seems unreal to me when I look at my little boy. The concept that he grew inside me is astonishing. It once again reminds me of how amazing our bodies are and that they are worth taking care of. I view my relationship with my body as a give and take relationship. If I am going to ask my body to grow a healthy baby boy, deliver him without complication and allow me a speedy postpartum recover, then I promise to fuel my body with healthy unprocessed food, take her to the gym and allow her to rest a solid 8 hours at night (that is tweaked a bit with Sage being on the outside now). The lasting effects of conscience body nurturing decisions far out weigh that doughnut or rerun episode of Seinfeld. When I need a little extra motivation I just look at my little boy I am reminded of all of the amazingness our body is and I choose the apple for a snack over the cookie and find myself heading to the gym. My postpartum workouts incorporate my son, Sage, as much as possible. It is never too early to instill health conscience decisions! I am currently 12 weeks postpartum and I am looking forward to the on going adventure of motherhood. To follow my journey into motherhood, watch my body after baby transformation and discover fun parenting tips, follow my instagram fitmomma4two!

  

How does one cope with the death of a child?

      How does one cope with the death of a child?  At what age the loss occurs determines the depth and breadth of the experience.  Each is different, with one commonality - the hole in our soul where our child is missing.  Permit me to tell you my story.

Ultrasound technology was in its infancy in the late 1980’s, but I knew in my heart I was carrying a boy.  I wanted to give my husband a namesake with whom he could create wonderful memories, the kind he did not have growing up.

      In the wee hours of Monday, March 9, 1987, nearly two weeks after his due date, our 10 lb. David Russell made his entry to the world, named after my husband and my father.   Our elation turned to despair that afternoon when a doctor told us that baby David had a significant heart murmur.  Testing revealed he had Hypo-plastic Left Heart Syndrome –the left side of the heart was underdeveloped and could not pump oxygenated blood to the body.  We were told there was nothing we did to cause it, as if to absolve us of inevitable feelings of guilt.  I knew logically there was no reason for guilt because we had a generally healthy lifestyle.  I remember being given three choices:  let him go, put him on a list for a heart transplant, or try a relatively new surgical procedure that could keep him alive until the chances of heart transplant were better.  David and I dissolved in tears in each other’s arms.  We just couldn’t imagine saying goodbye to our son so soon, and couldn’t fathom wanting someone else’s child to die so ours could have a new heart. We would have given our own hearts if we could.  After spending a sleepless night at our baby’s side in the NICU, filled with tears and prayers, the next morning we followed an ambulance to Philadelphia, where we lived the next few weeks at the Ronald McDonald House (RMH).   In this age before internet and cell phones, a few long distance calls generated much faith and prayers on his behalf around the continent.  Within a few days of surgery we were able to hold and practice feeding and giving medicine in preparation for taking baby David home.  I called him ‘my little bear' for the growly noise he made in his throat after the NG tube was removed.  One day we had left the hospital to rest at RMH and got a call to return right away.  Baby David had gone into cardiac arrest and it took an hour to revive him.  Our hopes were dashed.  He spent the rest of his short life in the Newborn Intensive Care Unit (NICU) connected to various tubes and machines. 

       I had to return to work the last week he was in the hospital, which was excruciating for me.  My husband had to return to work right after birth – no leave for fathers in those days.  Every day he would drive 45 minutes to Philadelphia to visit.  David later said he would stop at home and cry every day after work.   The nurses called with updates daily. Once the nurse said baby David was being irritable when they tried changing chest tubes.  They decided to play the LDS children’s music I had set up for him.  He calmed right down and they were able to complete the procedure.  I had spent my entire pregnancy working with the children’s program at church and so he was familiar with the songs we sang frequently.  This was a comfort to me, to know that he found comfort in the music he heard in utero.

       We spent Easter weekend at the hospital.  Baby David was bloated and looked so uncomfortable that I could hardly stand it.  We asked a local LDS Priesthood holder to assist in administering a blessing.  We felt calmer afterward, though there was no miraculous healing.  Between midnight and 1:00 a.m. on the morning of April 19, Easter Sunday, my husband and I went down to the cafeteria for a snack.  If I may digress, a few days before while sitting next to the NICU bassinette with baby David’s hand wrapped around my index finger, looking intently into his eyes trying to will him to get better, I felt his soul pleading with mine to let him go.  If you have never had such an experience, it is difficult to describe, but impossible to forget.  When I told my husband later, he asked if I wanted to, and I said no, of course I didn’t want to let go – who in their right mind would want their child to die?  Now, some may think I was out of my mind to have such a thought come to me, but they would not understand my belief borne of experience that the spiritual is real and that spirit can communicate to spirit.  I now take you back to the wee hours of Easter Sunday in the hospital cafeteria, where David and I asked each other if we were willing to let him go at this point, seeing the desperately terrible condition he was in, and we agreed we couldn’t handle watching him suffer any more.  We both then needed to use the restrooms and I was interrupted by furious pounding at the door.  We rushed upstairs to find that our son was gone.  The time of death was the moment we had made our decision.        I remember wanting to cry on David’s shoulder, but his reaction was stiff with clenched fists.  We all react to grief differently, and he claims no memory of this.  I recall that one of the nurses let me cry on her shoulder, and then baby David was prepared for me to hold one last time.  I held and rocked him as long as I was permitted.  This was a small comfort to me, as holding him was rare during these weeks in the hospital.

The next hours and days were a blur of talking with doctors, nurses, our Bishop (who had buried his young daughter just months before), family, home and visiting teachers, funeral home, searching for a burial place.  Ever since, Easter Sunday has been bittersweet as we remember our Savior’s sacrifice and the passing of our son. 

      We learned of a small country church cemetery in Pennsylvania.  On the way, I had an impression that it would be nice for baby David to be buried by a pink Dogwood.  Upon arrival we saw workers digging a grave and inquired, learning that five family burial plots were available for a very affordable price.  The location?  Next to a pink Dogwood tree.  This has been a comfort to me through the years as I have watched that little Dogwood grow and spread its beautiful blossoms over that final resting place whenwe have gone to place flowers, release balloons, and somberly remember.

       We held a viewing and then a small graveside service with close family and friends.  One of our Heavenly Father’s tender mercies is humor, and we were gifted with a good dose at this time, albeit at the expense of our good friend Kevin’s dignity.  While helping to lower the tiny casket into the grave by hand, he nearly fell in.  I know, not funny at all, right?  However, considering his very fastidious and meticulous nature it struck us such that we laughed all the way home.  How else could we have coped with the heart-wrenching sorrow of putting our son’s body in the ground?  

         In the days after the funeral, we returned to work and faced well-meaning questions about our baby, telling the story over and over again.  There were all the nice people on the bus, in the cafeteria, casual acquaintances in stores we had frequented.  I couldn’t be angry at them – how could they know?  I was astounded that so many women who had been so supportive of me with faith and prayers, suddenly opened up to me with their stories of loss.  How could I feel sorry for myself when one dear woman had given birth to eight and lost four?  Now there is a fine line between feeling sorrow and feeling sorry for oneself.  I felt, and still feel, sorrow to the depths of my soul and have cried out in anguish, even anger, wishing none of it had ever happened and that we could raise our son like others got to raise their children.  I thought I could cope with faith, but didn’t understand why my husband was being handed such a burden of grief after all the sorrows he had already experienced in his life.  For me, the fact that so many other women had suffered infant death and moved forward to find joy in life gave me the hope I needed.

         In the months after, as life got back to its usual routine, little reminders would randomly pop up like a song on the radio or random thoughts that caused me to run a stoplight or burst into tears while driving.  I received at least one specific answer to prayer that has given me great comfort.  Faith and prayer are the wings that lift me when the weight of grief threatens to crush my soul.

Not long after Baby David’s passing, I was out with my friend Lisa and her young daughter.  We stopped somewhere and little Lauren and I were alone in the car for a few minutes.  I was staring out at the night, and this intuitive little girl looked at me and asked, “Are you sad about Baby David?”  Out of the mouth of a babe came words of comfort. 

        I can’t speak for my husband, only myself.  I do know it has been a terrible burden for him to bear.  One thing we have shared is the inability to sit through a hymn that was sung for baby David’s graveside service.  It is a beautiful hymn, yet produces a wave of grief that turns on the tears.  I have even asked music coordinators at church to warn us beforehand so we can excuse ourselves.  A couple of years ago when we were cleaning the church with friends, their teen daughter started to play piano and we heard the most beautifully comforting arrangement of that hymn.  David said he had been thinking about our son while cleaning just outside the chapel door just before the music started.  This happened other times when he would be thinking or praying about baby David and then he would hear that hymn.  Mind you, it is not one that is commonly or frequently played or sung.  It feels like a message of comfort from our son, that he is mindful of us.

      Another time recently, I was enjoying a cute redheaded toddler at church who always acted shy around me.  I sat next to his family in church one Sunday and suddenly I started thinking about baby David, out of the blue.  Next thing I knew this little boy climbed on my lap and put his head on my chest for a moment before going back to his mommy.  I felt this was a direct message of comfort for me.

So, how does one cope with the death of a child?  For those who do not embrace faith I cannot speak.  I personally cannot imagine trying to cope without the faith and the spiritual experiences with which I have been blessed.  Conversely, I am sure that those without faith cannot wrap their minds around my thinking.  I can only hope that my experience can encourage others to take the leap of faith that will land them in the comforting arms of our loving Heavenly Father where joy replaces sorrow.  Finding joy in life, moving forward in faith, has kept me going when the weight of grief threatens to crush.

       Another of our Heavenly Father’s tender mercies:  about six months after baby David’s passing I had a dream wherein a blond and blue eyed little girl said to me, “I love you Mommy” and a feeling of joy filled me.  About nine months later our daughter Rebecca was born, with blond hair and blue eyes.  We later had another daughter, Shawna, and life has been a whirlwind of trying to be a decent parent while juggling various family, church, school and extracurricular activities.  We now have the joy of our first grandchild. 

As we have seen friend’s sons born in 1987 grow to manhood, there are occasional pangs of grief for what we are missing, mixed with joy for our friends.  I like to think that our son David Russell is happy serving a spiritual mission, and watching over his parents and sisters here on earth.  

Breastfeeding TWINS!

Stacy Kwan

My first breastfeeding journey began in February 2010. My boy/girl twins were born early at 33 weeks due to my having pre-eclampsia. They came into this world crying, it was beautiful. Almost immediately they were whisked away to the NICU due to complications from their prematurity. I had a c-section and was weak and in a lot of pain both from the surgery and the stress from my condition. I couldn’t go see my babies. I felt helpless. I had always thought I might breastfeed the twins a little, but didn’t have any support. I really didn’t think it was possible to breastfeed twins. Most of my mommy friends at the time had not breastfed their children and neither had my own mother. However, laying in that bed, knowing my only children were struggling I knew the only thing I could do was to provide them with my breast milk. So that’s what I was going to do. I couldn’t hold them or comfort them or take away their pain, but I could nourish them. I had my husband get a breast pump and so I began. I had purchased a La Leche League breastfeeding book for multiples that I had never read, so I began reading. I realized I needed to pump frequently and began every 2 hours around the clock. I felt so proud when I started to get some colostrum! I would get barely anything and would have my husband run it down to the NICU to give to the babies. I felt desperate, but it was a powerful thing to be able to continue to do something. On the second day my milk came in. I believe it came in because I had been pumping so frequently. 

I pumped all the time! I actually pumped too much because in the 26 days my babies were in the NICU I filled the hospital freezer up and my freezer at home. They never had any formula and were only on IV nutrition for several days in the beginning. The twins were fed through a feeding tube for several weeks and then a bottle. My daughter took well to the bottle and began gaining weight, with only a little complication from some stomach issues. My son never took well drinking from a bottle. When I would feed him in the hospital I would have to help support his chin because he was unable to hold suction enough on the bottle nipple to get the milk out. I would try and try and often would get so discouraged and would let the nurses take over because they seemed better at being able to get him to drink. 

During this time the strong desire came to me that I wanted to feed my babies directly from the breast. I was making more than enough milk..I could see that with my eyes. I didn’t need to worry they wouldn’t get enough. I really just wanted to breastfeed them. I tried a few times in the NICU and they wouldn’t latch. It was such a open area and not private. I felt exposed and not comfortable. I decided I would try again when they were home. My son and daughter came home the same day. They kept my daughter a few days longer so that I could bring them both home together. My son still wasn’t drinking well from the bottle, but he was drinking enough to satisfy the doctors and I had gotten much better at supporting him during feeds. 

We came home and I decided to start my daughter on the breast first because she was the better eater. It would take forever to help her latch. She would cry, she was hungry. It was difficult for both of us, but I was determined. I knew this was best for both my children and I just knew we could get through this. I found it easier to get her to latch if she was hungry. I also learned to “aim” my nipple towards the top of her mouth as far back as I could get it. Turned out it was easiest to help her latch if she was crying because her mouth would be open wide. I continued to work with her, only offering the breast. Sometimes she wouldn’t feed very long and would want to eat an hour and a half later. But we continued. I did not offer her the bottle. Looking back, I wonder if I should have been so cold turkey with the bottle. I read in the LLL book about a baby moon and that’s what I was doing. Offering the breast all the time and doing what I could to make her comfortable enough to settle and latch. It was difficult. I would often cry and think it would never work. But it did! She started latching for longer periods of time, before long she was a champ at it! I was eating and drinking a lot (not sleeping much though haha). At her month check-up she had gained 3 lbs! I was so scared before that first appointment. I was worried the Doctor would tell me she hadn’t gained enough weight, but I think we were both shocked when we saw the scale. 

Now for my son’s breastfeeding struggle. It wasn’t a struggle at all. It was just amazing. I waited a few weeks while working on my daughter’s latch and then decided to try with him. I had been pumping and bottle feeding him up to this time. I was worried. We had just been through hell with my daughter and here was my son who didn’t do well with bottles. That amazing precious little boy took only a few times to figure out how to latch and fed like a champ. He looked at me as if to say, “It’s about time you figured out this is what I wanted!” He loved breastfeeding and was so good at it. This entire time I thought he would have a difficult time and it was the most easiest natural thing for him. Later our pediatrician told me that breastfeeding is easier for babies who have a weak suck than bottles. I wish someone would have told me that earlier! By his first month out appointment he also had gained 3 lbs. 

I exclusively breastfed my twins until they were 12 months. I weaned them at 12 months because my body was just tired. I felt worn out and feeding that much was draining. During that year my children thrived. We had no serious health complications from their prematurity. We have a amazing bond and I attribute a lot of it to breastfeeding. It brought us closer together. It’s such a nurturing relationship and I am so glad that even though I have twins that I was able to give them each that experience. If I had to do it again I would! Breastfeeding was not always easy, but starting and getting things going is the hardest. Nothing we went through was unusual. My daughter went through a nursing strike at 4 months, but we got through it once I stopped allowing any milk fed through bottles. They also both went through their “distracted” phase and feeding would take forever. 

 Some advice I would have for mommies of twins would be that if you want to you can breastfeed! Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t, because it is totally physically possible. It is hard and will be a huge sacrifice. I have friends who have supplemented along with breastfeeding and I support any way you make it work. I know how hard it was and other people have different challenges in their lives that make it harder. However, you can totally do it with the right support. I read a lot about helping babies latch. It isn’t much different than helping to latch to a bottle which I had gotten good at in the NICU. I think that stresses a lot of moms out in the beginning if their babies have trouble latching, and twins are usually early, and so most may struggle a bit to latch on. Get help and surround yourself with other breastfeeding moms and people that support you. My mother told me after one really hard morning that it would be ok if I wanted to go to formula. I looked at her and told her not to say that to me again because what I needed was for someone to say “you can do it!”. If I had supplemented I wouldn’t have had the year long breastfeeding relationship that I had with my children. 

Lastly, and these are the questions I almost always get from moms: Yes, I did breastfeed exclusively the entire 12 months. No, I didn’t breastfeed them at the same time. I found it too difficult to maneuver. Yes, my body could make enough milk for two babies! Yes, I am pretty amazing, but so is your body too :)

My Breastfeeding Journey

My journey starts out about 4.5 years ago! I was newly married, working full time and a student! My husband and I decided during our parenting classes that we were going to breast feed! We were both excited how much money this was going to save on our budget (ultimately keeping me a stay at home mommy), more importantly the natural aspect of it and how vital it is for baby! We assumed that it was going to be ultimately my responsibility to feed the baby (I am clearly the only one equipped) and that it would come naturally! Boy, was I WRONG!!

So…

Fast forward to the day my little girl was born! We were excited, relieved and ready to take on caring for this precious Child of God! I leaned on my nurses many times in the hospital to ensure that I was learning breastfeeding correctly! They NEVER had or offered for me to meet with a lactation consultant. Nursing at this point was semi sore/painful but I just ASSUMED because I didn’t know any different that this was ok! It came time to leave the hospital and the nurses reassured me with the instructions to simply wake her to feed her every 2 hours and good luck!

We headed into the pediatrician for that wonderful 3 day (or 3 day out of the hospital) well baby check up! I had been doing EXACTLY what I was told in the hospital and my heart sank when that pediatrician came in. He informed me that she had lost nearly 1.5 pounds and needed IMMEDIATE supplementation! The choice was up to me whether I could pump and bottle feed or formula feed. They didn’t offer me any help as to WHY she wasn’t gaining off breast milk, nor ways to help me correct my breastfeeding relationship but made it sound like if I didn’t do something immediately she was going to die. As a first time mother I was heartbroken and devastated!

When I got home after that appointment, I had honestly felt completed defeated. All I wanted was to nurse my baby to her fullest potential because that is what my body was designed for! I pulled out the breast pump and began pumping! I was able to pump 4-6 ounces per breast! My heart was filled with joy that indeed there was milk there, but saddened that for whatever reason she wasn’t getting it!

We went back a few days later and she was gaining! For the next 2 weeks I was pumping and freezing every 2-3 hours! I was elated, I was finally rebuilding the courage and confidence in my mothering abilities.

And then…

I felt like DEATH! I couldn’t move my arms, I couldn’t move at all for that matter without crying in pain. I was attempting to pump but would not release milk at all! I was so FULL and engorged; I couldn’t believe the pain. At that point I figured my breastfeeding journey was over and it was. I was so heartbroken. I felt like a complete failure and as a result I fell into a deep postpartum depression.

Fast forward about a year and a half. My second baby was born! During my pregnancy I was so torn whether to breastfeed and potentially go through the same experience that I had with my first one OR to just formula feed. After many heart-wrenching nights and debates with my husband, we ultimately decided that formula feeding would save me the potential heartbreak of feeling like I failed again! Although this decision to formula feed was not what I WANTED, I didn’t know if I could live through the “what-ifs” and the pediatrician coming down on me again. 

Fast forward again to my most recent pregnancy!

When I found out that I was pregnant again, I was filled with so many emotions, from the pure joy that I was once again carrying a life within me through the deep wounds that I still battled with. I decided at this point that I was ready to try again. I had many more mommy friends this go around, many more mommy friends who had nursed, or were nursing. Many had heard my story and were determined to help me be successful this time.

I started reading and studying. I hired a doula. I had NO idea how much information I had lacked, which had I known, I probably would have been successful with nursing my first baby! As time drew closer towards delivery, I was getting more anxious and nervous that I was going to fail again. My doula, my friends and most importantly my husband sat with me and listened to my fears and reassured me that it was going to be ok, that I was designed for this task and that I was going to be successful!

It came time to delivery! The nurses immediately placed him on me and put a diaper on him but didn’t take him from me (this was in my birth plan but also hospital policy if baby is healthy). Baby was placed skin to skin even before the placenta was delivered. My labor and delivery nurse was right next to me, literally hands on teaching me what to do. She comforted me when I needed it most. Baby was not taken (even to be weighed, measured, etc) off of skin to skin until the first nursing session took place.

I left the hospital a short 24 hours later and that is when my real anxiety took place. Everything seemed great but I was still so nervous! We went back in for his 3 day checkup and he was gaining but not quite to his birth weight yet. My pediatrician understood my desire and fears in breastfeeding as I had explained my previous journey. She reassured me that it was going to be ok but that she wanted to see us back in a week just to make sure!

That week was rough! I was in SO much pain, both physically and emotionally as the fears of failing were trickling in. I spent many days crying to my husband and my doula! I was physically experiencing so much pain radiating from one breast from my nipple that even the thought of latching baby on made me cry. I would do Lamaze breathing just to make it through. I cried through every feeding on this side. Finally, I started pumping exclusively and freezing on the bad side, but feeding him solely on the other. This was working great but I didn’t like being attached to the pump!

I went back to the pediatrician’s office and he was back up to birth weight and then some! She hugged and congratulated me in being successful as well as reassured me just keep doing what I am doing! What a RELIEF!

As I continued nursing on one side and pumping the other, I was determined to get off the pump but then…I woke up with worse pain than labor! I was so weak and sick feeling that even rolling over to nurse the baby was too much! At first I didn’t think anything of it as the flu had rolled through the family and I was sure that is what I had, but…then when I went to pump that day NOTHING released! I couldn’t believe it, after the last few weeks of being successful things were great and now the SAME exact thing was happening that happened with my first baby! I called my doula, she listed a few things to look for and reassured me that we will work through this and to NOT give up! All my symptoms were equivalent to…

MASTITIS!

I couldn’t believe it! I was trying to make sure that I did everything to avoid it! I headed to urgent care to get and official diagnosis and a prescription.

Now, I was even MORE determined to get off of the pump! I figured that I wasn’t releasing 100% of the milk to the pump and that baby needed to get on the breast to effectively drain it. Having sat and looked at my breastfeeding book and then studying myself physically, I realized that my “bad” side nipple didn’t look like the other or like the book picture! I searched through that book for examples to what I thought I looked like and for a way to fix it. I had found it!

FLAT NIPPLES!

Say what?! How is it that NO one noticed this before?! All that pain that was radiating from that side was EXACTLY what the book described! So, I was now determined to fix this problem! I had asked a friend to go to the store and pick up a nipple shield for me! As I placed that shield on and raised baby to my breast I was anticipating so much pain and much to my disbelief it didn’t hurt at all! After a few weeks of nursing with the nipple shield I was able to nurse without it!

Today, I am happily nursing a 3.5 month old baby who is gaining weight (so much that when we took him in the pediatrician asked if I had switched to formula) and so happy! I am continuing to pump 12-24 ounces of breast milk per day to build a small date night supply as well as donating to mommies who are (for whatever reason) unable to nurse their own baby! The ability to donate has been able to heal some of those (still) open wounds from my first baby. I have donated over 300 ounces of breast milk in the last 3.5 months!

What I have learned and in comparing my current journey with my first one:

• I had flat nipples! This caused intense pain with each latch on (which for round one I just assumed that was what it was supposed feel like)
• The time that I felt like death, unable to move and unable to release milk was mastitis! At that point I NO idea that even existed!
• Having a support system (with experience) is ESSENTIAL! With my first baby, I was not only a first time mother, but my mother formula fed all of her babies. I was also the first of ALL of my friends to have a baby so no one knew what I was going through! I also know now of La Leche League, which is an AMAZING support system!
• Breastfeeding is NOT easy! Anyone who tells you it will be a walk in the park must be CRAZY! Nursing is far from easy in the beginning! Both you and baby have to LEARN what works for your relationship, and what worked last time may not work this time or the next time!

My advice to you! Go in understanding that you WILL have ups and downs in your journey! You ONLY fail when you allow yourself to. Formula feeding is NOT failing! It is designed for that very reason! No matter HOW you feed your baby as long as he/she is happy and thriving that is what MATTERS! I believe in breastfeeding! It is designed for their growing body; it changes as they need it! Also, SEEK out help if you need it! There are MANY experienced women and resources out that KNOW exactly what you are going through! I am not “trained” but I feel like I have experience now! I have shared my story many, many times and I hope that it helps someone understand that breastfeeding is NOT easy but it is REWARDING!

A few of my FAVORITE Resources:

• Breastfeeding Made Simple – 7 Natural Laws for Nursing Mothers (my breastfeeding bible)
• Kellymom.com
• La Leche League

By: Alexis Swanson

To Self Sacrificing Mothers

To Self Sacrificing Mothers:

What do you write about when asked to write a blog on parenting?  I could write about positive reinforcement, sticker charts, or time out.  I could write about cloth diapers vs. disposable or whether you should immunize your child or not.  It’s hard to write about something so personal and intimate, when I really don’t feel that I have much that qualifies me. 

Maybe I could start with me.  My name is Erin.  I have 3 handsome boys, named Jude (age 4), Desmond (age 2), and Fields (age 5 months).  Danny and I have been married 7 and ½ years.  We meet on LDSsingles.com.  I use to make up different ways that we meet, which didn’t include meeting online, but I think meeting online is becoming more accepted, maybe.  My husband is a therapist; ya know the one that asks, “How do you feel,” and not a physical, occupational or even a respiratory therapist.  I am a registered nurse and work on a pediatric floor.   I love my church (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints), and strive to have a Christ centered home.  I keep trying to find time to play my music, go hiking and camping, or even to make a hemp necklace but lately I just find myself on facebook, pinterest, or playing candy crush.  We’re just the average family with 3 kids under 4 trying to stay happy.

Let me lean into vulnerability and tell you a little secret about myself.  After I had Jude, I stopped taking care of myself.  Of course, all my energy went to Jude, that cute little bundle of joy that changed my life forever.  I started working 2 nights a week so that we didn’t have to get a babysitter while I worked.  Working nights is one of the hardest things.  I am always tired.  I feel like I can never catch up on enough sleep.  But, this is what I felt like I needed to do, as Danny was still in school and we needed the money.  I served in my church youth program for a couple years which included Sunday’s and ever Wednesday for youth night.  Also weeklong girls camp in the summer.  Danny finished school but I still worked nights.  We had cute Desmond.  The transition from 1-2 kids was a lot easier for me, however, looking back, I still was just making it by.

During the night shifts, I drank Diet Coke and munched all night to stay awake.  I never really lost my pregnancy weight.  Each pregnancy I’ve been 10 pounds heavier then when I started.  And I never spend money on myself.  Therefore I really had no clothes.  I wore all those free t-shirts that I got at church youth camp or tied die t-shirts.  My mom helped me buy some new clothes, and I had a couple nice shirts that I would wear, but it was a new style that fit my body but it wasn’t “me.”  I didn’t feel like there was money to get a gym membership and I had no motivation to work out at home.

I’m the one with the Tie Die shirt at a church youth event;)

Maybe I’m being too hard on myself when saying that I never took care of myself.  There were times that I felt like I tried.  Going to church on Sunday, I’d wear make up and maybe jewelry, until those cute hands became grabby hands.  Right after Jude was born I joined weight watchers, until I found out that I couldn’t take Jude with me to the meetings.  Then I stopped.  Asking someone to watch my boy was too hard.  There was a summer that I went walking with my girlfriend, until it got too hot outside.  Danny would encourage me to go shopping for myself.  One time I took my sister in law with me and got some cute items.  But shopping wasn’t fun anymore because of the extra weight that I now had.

I wouldn’t say I was unhappy, just unaware of the importance of taking care of me!  I feel like women are self-sacrificing.  We serve like there is no tomorrow.  We serve our family, our community, and our church.  At least that’s how I was raised to believe that women are supposed to be.  I believe it’s in our nature to serve.  Then, I felt like I was not enough.  I’d get down at myself for not being a good enough…wife, mom, friend, church leader, and even not good enough at serving. 

Then something happened.  My gallbladder started acting up.  I had a gallstone the size of an olive.  Then I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks.  I feel my body was screaming, “take care of me.”  So I had no choice but too.  Between the miscarriage and surgery, I mentally wasn’t doing too well.  With some encouragement from my husband, I started going to therapy.  My therapist introduced me to Brene Brown who did research on shame and wholehearted living, (www.brenebrown.com) After 9 months of therapy, an experiential weekend, and bi-weekly women’s group I have learned a few things.

First, you need to read Brene Brown.  I could do a whole post on just her.  She has helped me not be too hard on myself, trying to mold myself to be the perfect mother. 

She taught me how to have courage, be vulnerable, and work on my shame. 

I also started taking time for myself.  I started asking for what I need, like time away from the kids for a few minutes or girls night to connect with women who could support me.  I started asking people to watch the kids so I could work on myself, which was really hard for me.  I started working on my femininity.  I started taking showers everyday and sometimes I’d put make up on.  Not because I was going out but because I wanted to feel pretty.  Not because make up made me pretty but, for me, putting on make up was fun and I liked the way I felt when I had some on.  I started to get my toes done.  I spent money, with in means, on myself AND I didn’t feel guilty.  I got a gym pass and have lost some weight.  Interestingly, my husband can tell if I have gone to the gym by my “hello” when I answer the phone.  Is it really that noticeable that I feel that much better after a 20 minute run?  I realized that my family could be happier if I took the time to make myself happy.

Lucky for us, Danny finished his masters and got a good decent job.  I finally took a leap of faith and stopped working as much.  I now work 1-2 shifts a MONTH!  It’s awesome.  I work to keep my license and to use my brain every once in a while.  Let me tell you, financially it’d be a lot better if I did work.  But I now put lots of energy on budgeting and cutting back where we can.  If I had to work, I would change my job and/or work different hours.  Working less has been a huge thing for my family and me.  For me, being a stay at home mom has always been my dream job.

Sure, I’m not perfect at these goals to improve myself and I’m still working on it.  Like I mentioned, vegging out on the computer still happens more then I’d like.  I did find a new passion making bath bombs and body scrubs, which doesn’t get done as much as I’d like, but I’m trying.  The best thing about taking care of me is that I can be the parent that I want to be.  When I am mentally in a better place, I follow through better and have structure for my kids.  I can play with them and have fun with them too.  But most importantly, if the day isn’t going how I want to, I can try again tomorrow.

 

I’ve realized that doing things for me is just as important as doing things for others, including my family.  You know that saying, “If mamma aint happy, nobody is happy.”  Well I feel it’s true.  How can I be a good mom if I wasn’t taking time for myself?  How could I serve my family, my church, and my community (all still important for me to serve), if I wasn’t serving myself?  So now I ask you, how are you going to take care of yourself and what does taking care of yourself look like?

After baby Fields -3 months ago 

Favorite Baby/Toddler Feeding Items

      So there's only a few items that I really feel are necessary to keep in the kitchen when feeding a baby. First, and the most obvious one, would be a high chair. There are a million on the market, and they range from very basic to super fancy. I had an awesome Graco Reclining High Chair (almost that exact one but a different color) and I loved it. The thing about high chairs, they take up a ton of room, and most of the time when you first start feeding your little one baby food, it is really is just easier to hold them in your lap so you can pin down their arms and prevent them from smearing food EVERYWHERE. I liked my high chair because even when I wasn't feeding the baby, I could put them in it and wheel them to whatever room I was in and know they were safe and buckled in (and they would be to high for the other kids to get to them). Then I would give them little toys or noisemakers and they would be so comfortable with the chair reclined that they would take naps in it. When space is a bigger issue or if you really want something that will work for any situation this Graco convertible chair is awesome!! It goes from high chair to booster, which is great if your heading to a family or friend's house for the day and want lunch time to be easy at someone else's house. I gave up having a high chair and have gone straight from lap to booster seat . I like that it sits right at my table, saving me room, and if I want to put it away, it folds up small and tucks away. It is also great for taking to family members houses when we visit.
      Second most important thing is the food. Duh. There are a million different baby foods out there, and usually you can find a good sale and stock up, but I like making my own. No, I am not an over achiever, just cheap and I make a pretty good attempt at feeding the kids as healthy as possible. Actually, Making baby food saves tons of time, money, and panic attacks (lots of baby food recalls). I usually can use one or all of the same ingredients that I am using to make everyone else's food that day. Last year my husband surprised me with an awesome Cuisinart food processor that I can just throw food into and pulverize it into baby food. I use it for a million other things too, but the different sized work bowls make it easy to do a small batch without a big mess. I have also made baby food in my Vitamix which works just as good. Again, a great piece of equipment that I pretty much use at least once a day. Anything from fresh fruit, cooked veggies, cooked pastas, and even beans are easy enough to just throw in, mix up, and you have baby food. Anything you would buy in a jar, you can make for cheap and it's healthier, very easily.
        The third thing that really helps, especially if your making you own baby food, is containers to store it all. One of my favorite things is the Yummi Pouch . These things are do-it-yourself fruit mash-ups. If you haven't seen those, they are basically applesauce in a squeezable pouch. Works great for 7 months old all the way up to.....well, my age. I have put everything from unsweetened applesauce out of a jar to homemade baby food, to smoothies, right into the pouches and you seal up the top, and its easy, non messy, food for the go. You can fill them up, throw them in the fridge for later that day, or the freezer for later that week. They go in the top rack of the dishwasher and clean up easy. The really great thing for little ones is that they now have spoons that attach right to the pouch so you are squeezing food right onto the spoon while they are eating and it saves you from the huge mess with open containers. Fantastic!! My baby prefers to just suck it right out of the pouch. Another way to store baby food in the freezer is with these freezer containers. I love that they are already portioned out for you.
    The last thing that you are really going to NEED is bibs. This is again, an obvious thing, but bibs are important. They get worn several times a day and sometimes, when you have a teething slobbering baby, they get worn all day. The best on the go option is clip-on bibs. You just grab a napkin, wash rag, or hand towel and you have a bib! Brilliant. The best bib for catching all that food that is just bound to go everywhere but in the kid's mouth is BABYBJORN. It works great for feeding time, but you wouldn't leave it on the little one all day long.These waterproof bibs are awesome for teething, feeding, and basic drooling time. They are waterproofed on the back side to help keep baby's clothes dry and clean.
    All these things can be found at Amazon and if you don't already, get an Amazon Prime account. It saves you so much time and money from running to different stores, and the prices are great. Best membership for any parent.

Who Heals Mommy's Pain

           

As a mother of 6 young children,  I deal with a lot of boo boo's. Some cuts or scrapes, bumps or bruises.  When my kids get hurt, I am the first person they seek, for comfort, love, healing.....and like any other mommy, I worry and wish their pain was mine. I cry with them, but wish I could cry for them. But the best I can do is show them I am here and try my best to make the pain go away. But what happens when , as mommy,  I am the one in pain. My job as stay at home wife and mother stops at nothing. I am the heart and soul of our family.  I'm like the president of the corporation,  better yet,  the president of the country.  I don't get days off for sickness,  and especially not for pain, physical or emotional. This past year has brought challenges I'd never imagine I'd be facing, and as mommy,  I've learned to deal with them. I wake up everyday,  and no matter how bad I'm hurting,  I begin my role as mommy. I keep a smile on my face and I get through the days, I try not to complain. But it has been one of the most difficult years of my life and it isn't even over yet.

When I found out I was pregnant with my 6th baby, I was overcome with happiness and joy, but also with fear and anxiety.  All of my pregnancies had been high risk, each ending in the delivery of premature babies. Thankfully,  so far, my little preemies had done exceptionally well,  and all came home from the nucu in less than two weeks. However,  I had the fear of not knowing how early I would deliver,  how severe my condition would get, and for the first time I had fears of delivery,  since my 5th ended in my 1st C section....I knew there was a good possibility of having a repeat C section.  Nothing could have prepared me for what would happen during this pregnancy, and the pain I would endure.

Around my 6th month of pregnancy, my urine showed traces of blood, and I had been having some pain and irritation in my bladder. I was admitted to have some tests run. I found out that not only did I have a bladder infection,  but I also had kidney stones in both of my kidneys.  While I had dealt with multiple urinary tract infections during my 6 pregnancies,  I had never had kidney stones, but I knew people who had and knew they could be painful. After a long night of terrible bladder spasms that felt like uterine contractions,  and a heavy dose of IV antibiotics,  I was sent home knowing that even if I had pain, they could do NOTHING for my kidney stones until AFTER the baby was born. Luckily,  once my bladder infection had cleared, the pain subsided, for then anyway. I also found out at that point that I was destined for another C section because I had a vertical incision on my uterus,  which is an older method of cutting and takes longer to heal than the newer,  more common horizontal incision.

As the next month whirled by, I was filled with anticipation of my new baby coming soon. But, sadly, during the end of my 7th month of pregnancy,  the worry grew and took over. I started to have pain across my lower belly....pain I had never had with any other pregnancy.....pain that I thought could possibly be from the kidney stones passing.....pain that all of my HIGH RISK Dr's said was "normal". But I would soon find out that the pain I would have the entire rest of my pregnancy would be something much worse than I could have imagined.  I was in and out of the hospital with the pain, and then my contractions started. Which, because of my vertical cut, I was told I shouldn't labor and having contractions could put too much strain on my thin uterus.....but with every hospital visit, showing my contractions were 15, 10, 5 minutes apart I was told all was fine since these contractions were not changing my cervix much, so they were not true labor. Well,  the contractions kept coming and my pain got worse,  and worse. So bad, in fact, that I took an ambulance to the hospital one night because I was in too much pain to drive, and my husband had to stay home with our sleeping kids. Oh and since I'm a stay at home mom, I had to endure this pain while trying to care for my other children and do all of my mother and house wife duties....and my dr thought I could just "lay around all day" and rest. HA!

           Things changed drastically when my blood pressure spiked, even on 2 blood pressure medicines.  My blood pressure had been an issue with each of my pregnancies,  but it had never spiked so high, so fast, while on medication.  I rushed into the hospital to be monitored,  but to the Dr's avail, my pressure continued to rise. At that point my dr decided it wasn't time to full around anymore. Also she mentioned that she didn't like where I was having pain, since it was right by my old incision...the 1st time anyone had mentioned my pain possibly being related to my incision. I was prepped immediately and soon I was on the operating table. As soon as the dr got to my uterus she gasped and said "I can see why you were in so much pain. Your uterus had begun to rupture,  and there is also a small hole in the uterus!" OMG I KNEW something had been wrong, but no one had listened. If it wasn't for that dr being on call that night, and deciding it was time to end my pregnancy,  I could have ruptured at home,  and we both would have lost our lives. I was filled with so many emotions....fear,  anger, thankfulness, joy....all at once. It was almost too much to handle,  but I just tried not to think about what could have happened and I focused on my preemie...who was about 4-5 weeks early. 

         

 Luckily,  baby #6, Ava, was healthy. And my C section recovery was a breeze compared to the excruciating pain I had been in, for what seemed like forever.  Unfortunately,  the pain free joy ended soon about 6 months later,  when I started to experience pain from my kidney stones. I can't say it was worse or better than my pregnancy pain....the pains were just so different. But I knew it was going to be a struggle. I struggled through a lithotripsy procedure where they sent shock waves to the stone on the right kidney,  since the stone was so big it didn't break fully. I ended up with horrifically painful surgery on my right kidney,  where they went in to remove my stone but found a mass of tissue that had formed because the stoned abstructed my kidney.  The recovery from this was the most painful thing I have ever experienced in my life and I came home after 2 nights in the hospital. Of course I had 6 little ones excited and happy to have me home., but I was so useless I couldn't even take care of myself.  Thankfully I had help from my parents,  but I still had to deal with my pain. It's something nobody ever wants to deal with. 

          My recovery was about 3 weeks,  and 4 weeks until I felt "normal" again.  But being through all of this in less then a year, I've come to realize more about what I can overcome as a mother. I now know that pain can not necessarily be healed by someone else, I know there are methods to help with pain, but we our the ones who have to deal with our own pain. As a mother who endured tremendous amounts of pain while I had to continue to be a mommy and do everyday things, and try to keep a smile on my face, I know that I am capable of handling things and situations that our minds may not see as conceivable.  But we bear our own pain and if we our faced with having no control over it, we do our best to deal with it. The same goes for our children's pain. We can't take their pain away, although I like to think I can. We can only offer support and love, whether it's physical or mental pain.  We can't take away our own pain or our babies pain, but we deal with it. We have no choice. It's part of our physical being, and honestly getting over physical and/emotional pain can be our biggest challenges,  yet they make us stronger and remind us to be happy and thankful for the good in life!