Tacen's Story

Hi my name is Kelsie. I am a 26 year mother of an angel, a crazy, fun-loving 20 month old little boy named Daxon and we are expecting our first girl in May 2014. I've been asked to do a guest post and share a summary of our experience of losing our son and share a few things that have helped me cope with his loss.

It all started in July 2010 we welcomed our first child, a handsome baby boy, Tacen! He was everything I could have ever hoped for and so much more. He developed normally and was a happy little boy. In late August 2011 we moved across the country for my husband to go to Optometry school. During this time we moved away from everything and everyone we'd known. When we arrived Tacen had what we labeled a regression and he stopped walking. He was getting molars at the time and we worried we had traumatized him.

He continued to have regressions over the next year. He would struggle walking during this time and overtime he affected his walking. We really began to realize there was a problem around May 2012. We scheduled an appointment with his pediatrician who referred us to an orthopedic pediatrician, he did x-rays and couldn't find anything out of the norm. At that point we were referred to a neurologist. The neurologist recommended we get an MRI and move forward from there.

To keep a long story short they couldn't find anything really causing his walking difficulties. In late October 2012 he had a regression and this time he was throwing up very inconsistently along with the lack of walking. This was alarming to us and cause for additional concern. We got him into his neurologist on Monday, Oct. 21, 2012. He recommended he have him admitted so we could expedite testing since he was already regressing.

Over the next few days he kept declining in health. They couldn't pin point what it was that was ailing him. Those days were some of the hardest and longest days of life. During this time we prayed for a miracle. We knew that our Heavenly Father could give us a miracle if it was His will. Sunday, Oct. 28 we were ready to accept our Heavenly Father's will for us. We prayed and expressed to Him that we knew that He could perform a miracle, but if that wasn't His will for Tacen and our family we were ready to let him go. That was the hardest decision we've ever made. We knew Tacen's little body couldn't hold on much longer!

The next evening Monday, October 29, 2012 our sweet Tacen returned to a loving Heavenly Father and we left the hospital without our little boy with us.

Since that time I have had many opportunities to learn and grow. Throughout the last almost year and half one of the things I've strived to do is find the simple joys and positives that come into my life because of Tacen and having him in my life. I wouldn't trade the short 28 months we were able to have him in our life and with us here on earth for anything. I learned so much from that sweet boy and I continue to learn so much from his example!

A big thing I've learned is that everyone grieves differently and that is perfectly, OK! No two people will handle the loss of a loved one the same. Going through this process I've learned that I need to take the time that I need to grieve, to miss my little boy and I need to do this in my own way. The way that I have handled things and grieved is much different than even my husband! You know what? That's ok! Most of all I've learned there is no right or wrong way to deal with a loss. You have to do what work for you!

There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of my sweet boy. There's not a day that passes that I don't miss him. But our sweet Tacen was an example of life, joy and happiness. He had many physical struggles more than I think we even realized at the time. Yet he was the little engine that could (a favorite story of his). I know that he would want me to go on and be happy. I know he is watching over me and I know I'll see him again, so I am trying to live the life I have the best I can. I still have purpose here and I want to make him proud!

I hope this will be helpful in some way to someone out there. You are welcome to read our full story at http://tacensstory.blogspot.com/ This blog has been a way of helping me grieve and cope with the loss of Tacen. It find it very therapeutic to write things down and express my feelings.