A Potty Training Cry for Help

Normally I like to blog about things I feel confident about; either something I’ve learned as a mother or something I think would help others. However, this post is basically a cry FOR help. That’s right…. I need help (I admitted it, ya happy!?); so I’m turning to you wiser, more experienced mammas for advice. It’s a dirty topic, but if you have kids, you have to face it at some point…. that’s right, I’m talking about potty training (DUN dun dunnnn)!

Now until recently, I’d never potty trained anyone or anything (not even a dog). I’d heard others moms talk about it and make comments like “it’s a rough 3 days, but once it’s done it’s so worth it” or “we kept to the house for a week.” Most moms that I talked to made it sound like it was a short, and sometimes painful, process - but then it was over…. you come out on the other side with a happy, diaper-free, child! Well we started this process almost 7 months ago, and I’m still not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

Here’s how my first attempt at potty training went.  We bought a cute little potty training seat for my daughter (L) around 18 months old when she started showing a little interest. She liked to sit on it and pretend to go, but nothing ever happened, and I didn’t push it. We had our second daughter when my oldest was about 22 months old, and being so sleep deprived from all the late night feedings with a newborn I was definitely not in a rush to train my toddler at that point. Then a week before L turned 2 she suddenly wanted to go potty… like for REAL!!! So when she asked to go, we’d put her on, and she would actually GO!!! We danced around, cheered, and made a big deal about it… which made her even more excited to do it again. I was still tired and trying to adjust to the 2-kid schedule, but I was determined to do it. I’d heard horror stories from other moms who did NOT take advantage of that small window of opportunity when their child was interested in potty training and it ended up being so much harder. So no matter how exhausted I felt, we were gonna do this. Thus started our bathroom adventures.

Immediately we went shopping and I let L pick her own “big girl panties”! She loved them. Some of our family even sent her more “big girl panties” to show their support. I also made sure I had a big pack of M&M’s (a little bribery never hurt right?). How hard could this be? I had princess panties and candy; this was gonna be a piece of cake... she'd be toilet trained in a week. Right?

We stayed home for the first 3 days. Day 1: I put her in her new “big girl panties” and I set a timer for every 20 minutes. Whenever the timer went off, we’d stop what we were doing to try using the bathroom… sometimes she’d go, sometimes not…. I praised her for trying either way. She had maybe 2 accidents the first day, which I thought was pretty good. Day 2: Same process, only 1 accident. Day 3: She was getting super annoyed at having to go to the bathroom so often so I increased the time to every 40 minutes. Only 1 poo accident. 

Day 4: We made our first diaper-free grocery trip. I’d make her go before we left for the store, then again while we were there. Oddly she really liked using public bathrooms. 

This process kept going about the same for the first two weeks. I’d regularly make her stop and use the bathroom every hour, but she was still having 1-2 accidents each day. We did have a couple full days of “no accidents”… on those days Daddy would take her for a slurpee when he got home from work. She loved that! Overall, I thought she was doing really good.

We kept doing this for over 2 months with little improvement though: she was still having accidents everyday. In fact, it was getting worse. The whole process became a nuisance to her.  She hated having to stop playing to use the bathroom. It felt like I had to drag her to the bathroom ‘kicking and screaming'. I tried finding new motivators, but they didn’t seem to work very long. It got to the point where I had to either bribe or blackmail her every time. It was exhausting, and I was starting to feel like a horrible parent. She didn’t care if she had an accident… she wouldn’t even tell me. And since 90% of our house has thick carpet, it was really difficult to find some of her smaller accidents. I’m a little embarrassed to admit this, but there are pee spots in our house that were never found (definitely need to shampoo the carpet after this awful process is over). 

There were even times when I’d ask if she needed to go, she’d tell me “no", then go around the corner and pee on the floor. The worst part is that I started getting angry when she’d have an accident - I felt like a horrible parent. So I 'threw in the towel'… I didn’t want this to become a negative experience for her. Physically she could do it, but she wasn’t mentally ready. 

Now she’s been back in diapers for the past 4 months. Occasionally she'll ask to go potty, so I’ll take her, but I don’t push it. However, lately she's had some successful bathroom moments and seems interested in trying again. So I'm gearing myself up for round 2 of our potty training challenge.... it feels a lot like preparing to have a root canal. But before we re-attempt this retched process I want to have a clear plan in mind. Before I just made it up as we went, but obviously that didn't work out so well. So I’m hoping some of you more experienced moms can help me out. I’m totally open to suggestions, ideas, advice, stories.... or any other potty training wisdom! I'm desperate.